![]() If there’s no one to listen to this grandiosity? That’s OK…I’ll just talk out loud to myself (or Eddie and Dottie who think I’m absolutely brilliant). ![]() And my ideas? Well hells bells, I can basically invent anything…figure out the mysteries of the universe…and brainstorm solutions to any of the world’s ills. I have so much to get out but my mind is racing forward so fast that I can’t find the words I want to use. I have so much to say with my mouth already not keeping up with my brain that telling me to slow down is like telling a wild horse ‘whoa’ before he’s been ‘broken.’ (Actually there is a term for manic speech called pressured speech). I’ll hear “slow down” or “hold on…I can’t keep up” but I am simply unable to do that. I have a lot of trouble talking as well (I know, I know…that’s extremely hard to imagine and ma, I know you’re rolling your eyes right now) when I’m manic, I talk so loud and fast that it’s overwhelming for people to listen, but frustrating for me. I’ve done crafts/art when I’m manic, and after I cycle back down, I have no idea how to do what I’ve already created. It’s like it’s going on auto-pilot and you are caught up in the vortex. You know, it’s scary when your mind loses time like this. Everyday last summer I walked a minimum of 8-10 miles and have no memory of the majority of these jaunts and the routes I took. Hello! I’m so freaking busy painting, sewing, mowing, running, hiking, shopping (!), cleaning, yacking and yacking and yacking, and moving around from task to task with my mind speeding along so fast, how in the world is my brain supposed to retain anything? When I was manic last summer, I painted almost every single piece of furniture I own along with 3 rooms, but I barely remember doing it! Seriously! When I’m manic, I lose chunks of time. When I’m manic, I don’t have time to remember. Reading memoirs and other material helps me remember I’m not alone in experiencing these problems and that’s a comfort to me. We all know the classic symptoms of bipolar, right? Manic highs, depressive lows, and all of the goodies that go along with these (please take a look-see at this…it took me 20 minutes to get it right □):Īnyhoot, there are so many other issues that go along with having bipolar as well and most people don’t realize how severe they can be. I started dog-earing pages (it’s OK…I own the book) that were pertinent to my own experiences but after a while, the book got so thick with these bent corners, I stopped doing it because every page spoke to me on such a personal level. The first time I read it I was so moved by the story of Kay and the development and her life with bipolar, but this time I’m really slowing down and taking it in. ![]() I’m reading a classic book called: “ An Unquiet Mind” by Kay Redfield Jamison and this is my 2nd time through it. ![]() So, no matter how much I learn and experience with bipolar, there’s always something else waiting to catch me off guard it makes me realize how much this mental illness affects so many areas of my life besides ‘just’ mood. ![]()
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